Five Things You Should Stop Doing Now in 2014

There are many lists floating around about what you or I are doing "wrong" or things that we should stop doing right now.  We also know that if it's on the internet, then it is an undeniable fact and should not be refuted in any way.  In fact, if someone tries to disparage something you believe to be true- the only viable response in an angry tirade.

In that tradition, we find it necessary to finish the discussion.  The following is the definitive list to end all lists, and any list that follows this list should not be read.  In fact, let's make that the number 1 thing you should stop doing in 2014

1.  You should stop reading lists ... after you finish reading this one.  In fact, you should not even use the word LIST any longer.  From here on out, all of these L-words (L's) (Ells) are of no use to you or anyone and should immediately be deleted or ignored.  Or better yet, express an angry, sarcastic opinion intended to insult the author.  Practice by commenting on this post, no profanity!

2.  Do not feed wild dinosaurs- if you've been feeding wild dinosaurs, you're doing it wrong.  Even if they are herbivores and won't eat you, they'll still decimate your neighborhood trees.  Let's get this straight, if you feed one dinosaur, they'll tell their friends, who will tell their friends and so forth.  Before you know it, your street, and yard, is overrun with large herbivore beasts.  Soon, carnivores, and finally a blood bath, no trees and we're all running for our lives in a prehistoric-like world of survival.

3.  Do not kill other people- you'd think this was simple, but it seems that some people still kill others.  Huh?!  What's that about?  Seriously, just stop killing people.  Let's practice.  Count to 10.  Did you kill someone in that 10 seconds?  Not so hard is it?  If you are in the process of killing someone right now, then stop doing it.  There.  All better!

4.  Stop partying like it's 1999- only because 1999 has come and gone, and to be fair it was lackluster at best.*yawn* the Y2K virus wasn't even all that exciting.  We have a whole new century to anxiously wait to end.  In fact, if you want to party like it's something significant, then party like it's 999,999,999... no good rhymes, but the Sun should eventually explode or something, just keep watching it, but not directly.

5.  Stop ignoring those memes- you know the ones I mean.  "If you love..."  or "If you support..." then you will "share this with 10 friends".  According to those memes, 98% or so of us will not share... presumably that means only about 1-2% of the population cares about anyone or anything.  Let's prove them all wrong and just share everything!*

*Of course by sharing everything, because everything on the internet is true, we will have created a rip in the universal rhythm.  If everything on the internet is true, and the meme says 98% will not share, and we all share... then 100% will be sharing and the meme will be proven wrong.  If the meme is proven wrong then something on the interweb is wrong.  If we prove one thing to be wrong, then we'll have to question the validity of web content. Then what?!